VASCULAR DEMENTIA IN THE ELDERLY: Where Is My Hearing Aid-for the next 8 years?

Vascular Dementia, is, after Alzheimer's Disease, "the most common cause of memory loss", according to  a special report from JohnsHopkinsHealthAlerts.com.  This same report attributes that this disorder often results " from a series of tiny strokes that destroy brain cells."  Eventually, the strokes cause so much brain tissue destruction that functional abilities are affected. 

Dementia--deprived of mind--the definition itself is cruel.   Our mother began to show the symptoms of vascular dementia, which later became her diagnosis, but unbelievably (it is, however, true), she had not had a family doctor in over 25 years.  She was the IRON WOMAN, and to go with that, she had an IRON WILL, which effectively prevented our convincing her to go to a doctor until the progress of the symptoms had advanced much further.
She loved language, insisted on proper usage of language, and was an avid reader.  One son-in-law later commented that it seemed particularly sad for her to lose so much of her mental acuity since she had always been overtly interested in things involving the exercise of the mind.
Mother never liked wearing a hearing aid, but had, in her later years agreed to wear it, at least when family was visiting.  In October 2001, I received an email from my older sister Neila, who had begun to go down to check on mother more frequently.
Exerpts of the email follow indicating the further deterioration of the situation, but we had not yet assumed the role of her parent.  In fact, it would be several more years before we began to insist on substantive changes as she clung fiercely to her independence.
The email:   "While we were at KMart, (left her car to have the oil changed), I lost Mother for a little while in housewares.  Found her in Halloween candy a little later.  We returned home just in time to meet a nice man with a load of our cows in a big trailer.They had been away visiting, and he was kind enough to return them.  I raced to the end of the pasture behind the house to close the gate, just in the nick of time.   They unloaded them behind the house and they stampeded toward the gate by the barn, but I locked the second gate just before they got there.  They joined their sisters, three other cows that another neightbor brought home three days ago. "  Note: (I believe it was during this time that my brother was working away, so he was not there to take care of all matters "cow".)
The email continues..........."Then we continued the hunt for the lost hearing aid.  I wish it had one of those little answering beepers like my car keys have;otherwise I'd still be in the parking lot at Northpark in Dallas.  But, we did not find the hearing aid.    Finally, I took  Mother (and another relative) back to KMart, (our third trip there actually), to get Mother's car.  Finally, going maybe 7 mph, Mother creeps out of the parking lot, and I pray God got home safely............   And what did you do on this lovely day?"
The search for the hearing aid continued for the next eight years.  It was found on sinks, behind bookcases, in her purse, and myriad other locations.  Looking back, we should have gotten a large, bright colored bag and put it in there to help her remember.
Managing our elderly parents is never easy, and each of  us has to decide at each step how we will proceed.  At this juncture, we began to deal with four main issues:  1) the cow issue   2) getting food on a weekly basis as she pretty much stopped shopping  3) lost essentials like the hearing aid  4) maintenance of the car
We recognize that we were lucky, as symptoms of the dementia started so late in her life (age 81) and she was able to maintain her independence for so long.

DEMENTIA HINT:  One suggestion is to get large, brightly colored bags for essential items like hearing aids and eyeglasses or to get bags that are embroidered with the name of the item.  They should be hung in a special place.    (One note is that we didn't DO this, so hope it doesn't seem hypocritical to suggest it, but looking back, it would have helped-not forever, but for a while).