VASCULAR DEMENTIA IN THE ELDERLY: ELDER ABUSE INFORMATION CONTINUED

ELDERLY PEOPLE ARE AT INCREASED RISK OF BEING TARGETED BY PREDATORS

BE AWARE OF STRANGERS

Two incidents that happened while my mother was visiting at my house further emphasize the fact that there are predators attracted by evidence of aging.  Two different times, as my mother sat on our porch enjoying the day, people appeared as if from nowhere to talk with her.  We lived on a highway in a small town,  but the driveway was long and uphill and people rarely ventured there by accident. 

On one of the days, I was in the yard but concealed by some trees, and catching a glimpse of movement, I looked up to see a young woman approaching my mother.  By the time I got to the porch, I could hear her soliciting money for her young daughter who supposedly was going to be in a beauty pageant.  Again, my mother's old habits somehow rose to the surface and she was largely ignoring the woman.  It was clear she was not local, and extremely doubtful she had a daughter involved in beauty pageants.  She appeared to be walking by, possibly looking for victims. She didn't find one that day.
Another day, and this seemed more sinister, a second "near" incident occurred.  I returned from church and noted a very rough character walking, nearing the driveway.  Forgive me if it seems I judged him strictly by appearance.  I walked in the back door, met the caregiver who had left Mother briefly on the front porch, and  she left through the backdoor as I walked immediately to the front.  I decided to bring my mother  inside as I was so alarmed by the appearance of the man I had seen on the street.
 As I got her with some difficulty to the front door, my cellphone rang.  It was the caregiver telling me that she had seen a very roughlooking man near the driveway.  In fact, so alarmed was she by his appearance that she had turned around and come back, only to see him entering the driveway.  I looked behind Mother as I closed the door, my heart pounding fast, and the man was at the edge of the yard.  He saw me and started off through the yard returning to the street.  It seemed that day as I reflected on those events that perhaps white hair actually works as a magnet for predators.

BE AWARE OF THOSE WHO SUDDENLY WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH THE ELDERLY

Elderly in high crime neighborhoods are often targeted for robbery or worse.  Their kindness can be mistaken for weakness.  My 98 year-old friend had a young woman who showed a sudden interest in her and drove her wherever she wanted to go.  She took my friend to a local store and ended up getting a credit card in her name and loading it up with charges.  A man in one town where we lived gave a ride to a young man to assist him, and the young man murdered him for his kindness.  Unfortunately, the elderly need to become more self-protective as they age.  Almost as we teach children to stay away from strangers, we need to reinforce that idea with our elderly loved ones.  And  they need to be aware of others with whom they interact also. 

USE ESTABLISHED BUSINESSES FOR LAWNCARE, HOME REPAIR, AND CAREGIVING

Family should use established businesses or people they know well for lawncare.  For repairs done inside the house, family members should be present if at all possible.  Always use reputable companies. 

Caregivers used should have established references or be affiliated with a business that does background checks.  A caregiver that spends a lot of time with the elderly person needs to be in contact with the family.  Family should call several times per week at a minimum.  If the caregiver restricts access or tries to isolate the person from the family, run, don't walk to the home and see what's going on.   


Those who care about the elderly and those with dementia need to "listen with the third ear" to see what is going on around the person. 

FAMILY MEMBERS WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE FINANCIALLY

LESS TALKED ABOUT,  BUT A SERIOUS PROBLEM is the abuse of the elderly or those with dementia, by family members, particularly in the financial arena.  As the person with dementia weakens, they are sometimes unable to say no as they have in the past.  They may be approached by family members who want to ask for certain items or want to borrow money.  This can happen with "outsiders" too as evidenced by the egregious case featured  in Dallas, Texas on December 12, 2009 on ABC 20/20 (http://www.abc.com/).

The person may have been able to withstand requests in the past, or their weakening may have emboldened persons who want things that they have.  At any rate, it will take vigilance in this area also.  It may be necessary for the family member with the power of attorney to intervene.  A parent's having dementia can stress the relationships in a family as there becomes disagreement over decisions. 

PSYCHOSOCIAL STRESSORS ON THE FAMILY AS THE LOVED ONE DETERIORATES

I believe that the interim time before the parent  with dementia is incompetent to make decisions is a dangerous time financially.  The parent may be clinging to the power to make decisions, but is unable to make good ones.  At this precipitous time, certain family members or others may obtain access to their finances that can seriously jeopardize their future. 

As the situation changes, some family members are unable to adjust to the reality that their mother/father is no longer able to make significant decisions about his/her own life. 


A piece by Dana Kelley headlined "Defining Reality"  stated "A firm grasp of reality is essential to good self-governance.  From the mortgage crisis to healthcare to education and a host of other public policy issues,it's easy to demagogue according to 'what should be'.Much harder, but most essential, is actually managing 'what is' and 'what can be'".

The psychosocial aspects of the deterioration of a parent's mental status can tax family relationships, and it is the wise family that recognizes that change is not optional; it is mandatory.  They can be drug kicking and screaming through the changes or become part of an orderly process for achieving the goals that will best serve the person with dementia.

There are several questions to ask in regard to financial decisions :  1)what is best for the person with dementia,  2) will these decisions preserve their assets or deplete them without providing for care  3) are the costs associated with direct care or necessities  4) would you be comfortable telling a judge why you spent this money and what it paid for 5) is there a clear record of expenditures

These are just some thoughts about the financial aspects of the development of dementia.  It is essential that people develop a durable power or attorney.  Do it SOONER rather than later.

DEMENTIA HINT:  Be aware of the ways that life is changing for the person with dementia symptoms.  Work on your own feelings so that you can accept the "what is" and leave the "what was".